Friday the Thirteenth and the Practice of Trusting Yourself
Friday the thirteenth has a reputation. A small thing goes wrong and someone says, “Well, look at the date.” It’s funny how quickly a story can change what we notice.
I wonder what other stories we’ve learned to look for evidence of, especially the ones we’ve been told about ourselves as women.
Maybe you were called too sensitive when you noticed a shift in someone’s tone. Maybe you learned to smile while someone made a joke at your expense. Maybe you’ve said, “Let me check my calendar,” when what you already knew was that you didn’t want to go.
There may be a part of you that’s very good at keeping things comfortable for other people. That part may have helped you stay connected, get through a difficult home life, or find your footing somewhere you were already being watched more closely than others. It makes sense that it might still show up before you’ve had a chance to ask yourself what you want.
The moment before you say yes
Imagine a friend asks you for a favour. You love her. You could probably make it work. And as you start to type “Of course,” you notice your jaw tighten.
That tightening could mean any number of things. Maybe you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re worried she’ll be disappointed. Maybe you want to help and wish she’d asked with more notice. You can take a moment with all of that before you answer. You might even put down your phone and give yourself until after lunch.
That pause is one way to practise self-trust. It gives the part of you that wants to help and the part that’s tired a chance to be heard. From there, you might offer something you genuinely have room for. You might say, “I can’t this time,” and leave it there.
Coming home to your own timing
Sometimes what we’re learning to trust is bigger than a yes or a no. It’s a question about who we’re drawn to, how we want to live, or which parts of ourselves we’ve kept quiet so we could belong. Those questions can come up at any age. You’re allowed to take them seriously while you’re still finding words for them. You get to choose when, and with whom, you share what you’re discovering.
This Friday the thirteenth, if you find yourself looking for signs, notice one ordinary moment when you’re about to explain away what you feel. Give yourself a little time there.
What would I hear if I gave myself the same patient attention I give the people I love?